Ruth’s
Story
I met him at a gas station one afternoon. He had such a nice smile. We
were married a little over a year later. Everything seemed normal at first,
but within a short time he became controlling. He had just started a new
job and we had moved to a different town that neither of us had lived
in before. I didn’t know anyone, and since money was short I thought
I could get a job and help with the finances. He had brought into the
marriage two children from his previous marriage that he had custody of.
I could hardly wait till he came home from work to tell him I had an interview
for a job.
Upon his arrival home he explained to me that I would not work, and he
would make sure that I didn’t make the interview. At about 2:00 a.m.
I had the children in the emergency room with me as I got stitched back
together. Within two weeks it happened again.
I was lost as to what to do. I wasn’t sure what had happened. I kept
asking myself what I had done wrong. After the next time, I left and he
was sorry and begged me to come back. I did, but I told him he could never
hurt me again. For seven years he never physically battered me, but would
verbally and emotionally abuse both the children and me. He became sullen
and bought a shotgun and would line shells on his dresser and tell me
how he would kill us all and then himself.
I started making plans to leave, putting an article of clothing in my
purse one by one when I went to work and stashing them till I had two
weeks worth of clothes for me and my two daughters. Then one morning I
left a note that I was leaving and would never return. I took nothing
else, thinking he would maybe not come after me.
He found me after two weeks. I had made the mistake of going to my parent’s
home, where he stalked me for several days. I called the police, but at
that time there were no stalking laws and they said he had to actually
do something in order for them to take any action. He continued to stay
outside my parent’s home.
One day, he left for a while and I took the girls to a horse show, just
as we always did on weekends, but this weekend we left at midnight and
drove to Wyoming. He found us again, but we were lucky he never actually
came to Wyoming. He harassed us by telephone.
He ended up committing suicide.
Natalie’s
Story
I lived with my ex-husband for 22 years. In the beginning he just yelled
and I thought he was a wise guru who was just telling me what was the
right way to do things. I had a son from a previous marriage, but I had
lost him in a nasty custody dispute. Given this heartbreak, I was easy
to control. I was young and confused. I can’t remember the first
time he physically abuses me, but at the time I was wondering how could
someone you love, and who professes to love you, beat that person?
Throughout the years I believe I have tried to block out most of those
years from my mind. However, there are times that they are vivid memories.
I remember him as being very evil looking when he was angry and I was
so very afraid. Alcohol made it worse, but he really didn’t drink
that much.
Once when we lived in the wilderness of Idaho, I had gotten a job painting
a house. I had gotten paid and then spent some of the money on groceries.
I hitchhiked back out to the camp where we were camping and he abused
me so bad it made me throw up. He was angry because he had other plans
for the money that did not include groceries.
I was always isolated with my children. Keeping us isolated was important
to him. We lived much of our time in the woods on his parents’ property
where there was no phone, no electricity and no running water.
He hardly ever worked. He never held a job more than two years, and that
was only once. I was usually the sole support of us all. We lived on state
assistance much of our lives and were in a very low socioeconomic class.
He came from an abusive family where his dad frequently beat his mother.
His mother thought that was just the way it was supposed to be.
When I was seven months pregnant with my youngest child, he got angry
with me and threw me down the road. I ended up having a placenta previa
birth, and the baby and I both came close to dying.
All three of my children suffered from his abuse. He slapped the two oldest
girls all over their bodies. Once he hit the oldest on the butt until
there were large bruises. I didn’t know how to stop him. I had not
experienced this before marrying him.
I had a friend who would take me to Al-Anon meetings. It was there I realized
that God did not want me to continue living with this abuse. I was able
to get away, but not before I suffered another attack. I used to pray
that I could be the kind of wife he needed, but those prayers were never
answered. I never learned to be the wife he required, thus he beat me.
I suffered mental, physical and sexual abuse at the hands of this man,
my husband. He would tell me how dumb and ugly I was and that no one would
ever want me. At the onset of my leaving him and getting him out of my
life, he called my son who I hadn’t seen in almost 22 years and told
him some of the crazy things I had done when I was very young and that
I was nuts.
He threatened to kill me more than once during our marriage. For many
years I was afraid to leave because I believed he would kill my children
and me. I believe he would have eventually killed me if I had stayed.
Since leaving him, I have been blessed. I have graduated from college
and now work for the state of Wyoming as a social worker. I have a wonderful
husband and my grown daughters are doing great.
I think it is important for abused women to understand that there are
new lives out there for them that do not include abuse. I understand that
not all can be as lucky as me, even though that is my prayer, but if they
believe in a better life they can make one for themselves and their children.
Get out before they are killed.
C
A U T I O N !
YOUR ABUSER CAN TRACK YOUR ONLINE ACTIONS!
Find
out more about it.
If you are currently being stalked or abused, we recommend that you use
a computer that your abuser does not have access to - at a public library,
a trusted friend's home, or an Internet cafe.
The SAFEST thing to do if you are currently being abused or stalked is
to use a computer you abuser does not have access to.
HOW AN
ABUSER CAN DISCOVER YOUR INTERNET ACTIVITIES
E-MAIL: If an abuser has access to your email account, he or she
may be able to read your incoming and outgoing mail. Be sure to check
your "Sent Mail" folder and delete any messages you do not want
your abuser to see. If you believe your account is secure, make sure you
choose a password he or she will not be able to guess.
If an abuser sends you threatening or harassing email messages, they may
be printed and saved as evidence of this abuse. Additionally, the messages
may constitute a state or federal offense. For more information on this
issue, contact the District Attorney in your county or your local United
States Attorney's Office.
HISTORY/CACHE FILES: If an abuser knows how to read your computer's
history or cache file (automatically saved web pages and graphics), he
or she may be able to see information you have viewed recently on the
internet. You can clear your history or empty your cache file in your
browser's settings.